1. Never blow their nose in public.

2. Do not 'pass gas' in public. (Well yes, they really do, but they look at the person next to them in shock and smile coyly)

3. Never wear white shoes or carry white handbags before Easter or after Labor Day.

4. Never chase after a man... they connive a man into chasing 'them'. Then act totally surprised when 'caught'.

5. Do not call men on the telephone.

6. Never eat large amounts in public... they only nibble and say that they aren't hungry. (A southern belle will eat before a date, then again afterwards! It's not until the 'date' is of a fiance status that a southern belle orders everything on the menu!

7. Absolutely NEVER sleep with a man on a first date! (they get up and go home to do their sleeping!) A true southern belle never lets the man she's after see her first thing in the morning until she's 'got' him.

8. Never sweat.

9. Never get nervous or anxious... They're the picture of calm and control.

10. Never cuss above a whisper where others might hear them. They use phrases like... 'oh my gosh', 'darn', and 'shoot'.

11. Never have a gray hair until they're darn ready to have one!

Proper Southern Belles...
*What they DO*

1. Do get the man they want!

2. Know the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

3. Are extraordinary hostesses.

4. Always look thier best! Never a bad hair day or never without the perfect thing to wear.

5. Can walk in heels like they're floating on air.

6. Are always a bit mysterious.

7. Are witty and charming.

8. Throw the best parties.

9. Are the greatest cooks.

10. Have style!

Moonshine

"They jest hain't nothin' wrong with makin' a little 'shine.''

When I was a little girl daddy made moonshine. I don't remember him doing it, but I've always heard him speak of it. I recently asked him about making moonshine and how it was done. He explained it to me and I even took notes! Making shine is much like my grandmother's quilting... it's an old southern tradition and I wanted to 'know' the basics. You just never know... times might get bad and I might take up quilting and shine-making :) Anyway, this is what daddy told me...

How to Make Moonshine *the old timey way*

INGREDIENTS:
(This recipe for one sack pot, or 100 gallons)

One nice cold *branch* in a secluded area

100 Gallons of water

1 Sack of bran

10 pounds of yeast

100 pounds of sugar

2 good men and a TASTER

Daddy said the first thing you gotta do is find a good, secluded branch. (A branch is a small stream of water). This 'branch' should be a good ways out into the woods and away from people, yet accessible to a vehicle. Next, you need 2 good men and one taster. Now daddy and his friend used Leroy. Leroy loved shine and took the job for free just to get to do all the tasting. By the time the shine was finished and needed toting, Leroy didn't mind that hike back to the truck at the top of the hill, cause he was always more than a jug full. Leroy passed on a long time ago, so if you're seriously thinking of making shine, find your own Leroy!

*A moment of silence in Leroy's honor*

Daddy explained to me next how to build the 'still'. But I won't go into that, cause it's a lengthy and complicated endeavor. He did use words like... BIGO pot, airtight, steamline, thumper, condenser and truck radiator. I couldn't decide if daddy was building a 'still' or repairing a car. The end result was 120% pure alcohol! Daddy said they would line up as many jugs as they could find on the bank beside the branch and fill em up. Course this was after 5 or 6 days, depending on the weather and how fast the shine fermented.

The jug filling wasn't as simple as pouring it up either. The first jug would be pure alcohol. So what they did was go down the line and fill each jug only half full. Then they'd do what they called a 'turn-back' and start at the other end and finish filling the jugs.

The next part was getting all those jugs to the truck. They had to be toted! Usually the chosen branch was down under a hill, which meant toting a good many jugs uphill. I can't imagine they felt too much pain though, since they did a goodly amount of tasting as they filled up the jugs!

Daddy didn't say, but I imagine the next step was the 'distributing ' of the shine. All in all... it seems like a lot of hard work to me and one heck of a headache :)

Southern Astrology Signs

   It has become pretty obvious to us Southerners that our present astrological signs have served their purpose and that we should get rid of them. When I'm out driving around I'll see bulls, and once in a great while I suppose I'll even see a ram. Up the street from me there's some twins, but I don't see them much. The rest of the things are just too obscure. You only see crabs on vacation. There are no lions or scorpions, not many archers and no water bearers. Virgins? The neighborhood's not crawling with them either.  So... what we need here is some relevance.  We need things we can recognize up there in the night sky.  SCROLL DOWN TO YOUR BIRTH DATE!   OKRA  Dec 22 - Jan 20 Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside. Okra have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back  over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. Stay away  from Moon Pies.  CHITLIN  Jan 21 - Feb 19 Chitlins often come from humble backgrounds. Many times they're uncomfortable talking about just where they came from. A chitlin, however, can make something of himself if he's motivated and has plenty of seasoning. When it comes to dealing with Chitlins, be very careful. Chitlins can burn and then erupt like a volcano, and this can make for a really terrible mess. Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra. Remember that when marriage time rolls around.   BOLL WEEVIL  Feb 20 - Mar 20 You have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven  as if you had some inner hunger. Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you, so don't worry about it.  MOON PIE  Mar 21 - Apr 20 You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch. It's a cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. "Big" and "round" are the key words here. You should marry anybody who you can get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy. This might be the year to think about aerobics. Maybe not.  POSSUM  Apr 21 - May 21 When confronted with life's difficulties, possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a "don't - bother - me - about - it" attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you're dead. This strategy is probably not psychologically healthy, but seems to work for you. One day, however, it won't work, and you may find your problems actually running you over.  CRAWFISH  May 22 - Jun 21 Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an office, you're always hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, the bathtub to the living room. You tend not to be particularly attractive physically, but you have very, very good hands.  COLLARDS  Jun 22- Jul 23 Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get in the "melting pot" of life and share their essence with the essences of those around them. Collards make good social workers, psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes, if you are Collards, stay away from Moon Pies. It just won't work. Save yourself a lot of headaches.   CATFISH  Jul 24 - Aug 23 Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, with one exception: Whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. You catfish are never easy people to understand. You prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface of life. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.  GRITS  Aug 24 - Sep 23 Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to travel, though, so maybe you should think about joining a club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese or gravy or bacon or butter or eggs. If you can go somewhere where they have all these things, that serves you well.  BOILED PEANUTS  Sep 24 - Oct 23 You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best -- your friends and loved ones -- may find that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism will probably affect you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to  because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road  of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for you.  BUTTER BEAN  Oct 24 - Nov 22 Always invite a Butter Bean because Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life and you feel at home no matter what the setting. You can sit next to anybody. However, you, too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies.  ARMADILLO  Nov 23 - Dec 21 You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually quite gentle. A good evening for you? Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms and insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned with today's fashions and trends. You're not concerned with anything about today. You're really almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but Possum is another, somewhat kinky, mating possibility.